by Catriona Mills

Articles in “Strange Conversations”

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Fifty-Three

Posted 31 January 2010 in by Catriona

While sitting on the back verandah, and apropos of absolutely nothing:

NICK: Have you been sweating?
ME: Excuse me?
NICK (brushing his hand across my forehead): Oh, you have. Good.
ME: Seriously, what is happening here?
NICK: I thought it might only be me.

Conversation With My Nintendo Wii Balance Board, Part Two

Posted 28 January 2010 in by Catriona

We’ve neglected the Wii Fit over Christmas, so this morning I had the following conversation.

BALANCE BOARD: Good morning, Treena! Were you busy yesterday?
ME: (ignoring the passive-aggressive balance board)
BALANCE BOARD: By the way, what do you think of Nick’s fitness?
ME: (selecting “the same” from the limited options)
BALANCE BOARD: Oh . . . change is always more exciting, don’t you think? Maybe you just haven’t been paying enough attention to Nick!
ME: Excuse me?
BALANCE BOARD: On a side note, did you know that dogs become more motivated when their owners pay more attention to them?
ME: Oh, Nick is going to be happy that you said that.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Fifty-Two

Posted 28 January 2010 in by Catriona

In which, during a nice pub meal in a nice pub, the iPhone rears its head again, and Nick belatedly learns wisdom:

ME: Doesn’t look like we are getting any of that rain.
NICK: Do you want me to check?
ME: What do you think the chances are of me saying yes to that?
NICK: I’d say “cloudy with a chance of some slight shouting . . .” Ooh, that’s not a good look.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Fifty-One

Posted 28 January 2010 in by Catriona

Via instant messaging:

NICK: iPad! Wooo!
ME: Dear god. No one else is excited. No one.
NICK: Except everyone on Twitter.
ME: Um, everyone on Twitter is bitching about it.
NICK: There is bitching and excitement and all the other emotions.
ME: iBored.
NICK: iGo. iBye!
ME: That’s just stupid. It doesn’t work if it doesn’t naturally have “I” in front of it!
uStupid.
NICK: eWhatever.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Fifty

Posted 28 January 2010 in by Catriona

Discussing the MySchool website (my school trends well, but was still a fascist hellhole, for the record) and Nick’s perceptions of its egregious design flaws, including using red/green differentiation for data displays:

ME: Well, the colour-blind issue is a big one. Don’t they have to be compliant in some way?
NICK: Yeah, a website built with government money needs to be compliant with the Disability Discrimination Act of 1992.
ME: Exactly! Is it compliant? With that distinction [between the green and red]?
NICK: Not enough by my reading.
ME: Send them an angry e-mail! Do it!
NICK: Yeah. OK.
ME: Hurray! Fight the power!
(Long, long pause)
ME: Ooops, must be your lunchtime. Or you died. Either or.
NICK: I’m fighting the power!
ME: Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean during the conversation you were already having.
I meant “fight the power after you’ve finished chatting with your girlfriend.”
NICK: Sorry. OK.
ME: It’s hard to have a revolution and a conversation at the same time.

Watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince With My Father

Posted 27 January 2010 in by Catriona

A flashback to the Christmas holidays:

MY FATHER: Are those dark wizards flying around?
ME: No, that’s a train.
MY FATHER: Oh, well, that’s all right then.

And slightly later:

MY FATHER: Did that house just appear out of nowhere?
ME: No. They just walked up to it.
MY FATHER: Oh.

There’s something to be said for retaining a childlike sense of wonder, after all.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Forty-Nine

Posted 22 January 2010 in by Catriona

What happens when you ask a geek/web designer not to raise his voice during an IM conversation?

NICK: I’m not shouting! I just like the way Helvetica looks in all caps.
ME: Idiot.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Forty-Eight

Posted 19 January 2010 in by Catriona

Nick has viral gastroenteritis, and is lying in the bedroom feeling sorry for himself. (Poor love.)

I am in the study, checking my e-mail.

And, suddenly, up pops an instant-message window.

NICK: I think I could manage some honey on toast.
ME: Oh, you did not just do that.
NICK: You know I did.
ME: I was giving you an out.
NICK: I mean, no it was an accident.
ME: What was an accident?
NICK: Whatever you were giving me an out for.
ME: Instant messaging me to ask me to make you honey on toast, when you are just down the hallway. That is all kinds of wrong.
NICK: I didn’t wish to shout.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Forty-Seven

Posted 11 January 2010 in by Catriona

ME: I can’t believe I’m thinking of going out in public in this outfit. (Yoga pants and a horizontally striped top, for the record.)
NICK: It’s not really public; it’s only among friends.
ME: That’s not helping.
NICK: Oh. Really?

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Forty-Six

Posted 6 January 2010 in by Catriona

Discussing the 3D rendering Nick promised to complete for my father:

ME: As I said, he really gets his money’s worth out of you.
NICK: Well . . .
ME: Still, I suppose, you got your money’s worth from him, too.
NICK: In beer!
ME: No. Me.
NICK: Yeah, Treena’s the best.
ME: Not as good as beer, apparently.
(Pause, and, possibly, a small poke in the ribs)
NICK: You’re better than beer!
ME: Took you long enough.
NICK: I was too busy laughing before.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Forty-Five

Posted 6 January 2010 in by Catriona

Inspired by the strange things that Nick finds on the Internet:

NICK: Apparently, Benny and Bjorn from ABBA are huge Torchwood fans, and approached Russell T. Davies about doing a musical episode.
ME: Well, Torchwood is frequently quite terrifying.

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