by Catriona Mills

Articles in “Strange Conversations”

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Ninety-Four

Posted 29 April 2010 in by Catriona

Is this how all relationships work?

ME: I mean, if we’d moved in together in our 30s, you would probably have left me, because I’m horrible.
NICK: True.
ME: But we were young, and you put up with me, and I got better.
NICK: You have got a lot better.
(Pause)
ME: I don’t like you.
NICK: I’m going to blow my nose.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Ninety-Three

Posted 28 April 2010 in by Catriona

We only have these conversations when I’m marking.

ME: Would you say “Count both Nick and me in” or “Count both Nick and I in”?
NICK: “Count us both in.”
ME: I was asking a specific question.
NICK: Oh. “Count both Nick and . . . me in?”
ME: Perfectly correct.
NICK: Ah, I see. You were testing me.
ME: And the reason we use the objective pronoun case is . . . ?
NICK: You give me a biscuit?

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Ninety-Two

Posted 27 April 2010 in by Catriona

Talking Wii Fit. Again.

ME: How was your age and your weight?
NICK: Actually, down a bit.
ME: How much?
NICK: 0.4 of a kilo.
ME: That’s the same amount of weight as I gained. This can’t be a coincidence.
NICK: Why can’t it?
ME: You’re stealing my weight loss! You transferred 0.4 kilos of your weight to me as I slept!
NICK: That’s so gross.
ME: Why?
NICK: Well, how would I do that?
ME: Black magic.
NICK: Oh. Well, that’s okay, then.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Ninety-One

Posted 24 April 2010 in by Catriona

In which we discuss rain:

ME: It’s stotting down.
NICK: Ken Stott -ing.
ME: No.
NICK: I think it is.
ME: No.
NICK: It’s solid and dour.
ME: No.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Ninety

Posted 20 April 2010 in by Catriona

Discussing my rain photographs from earlier today:

ME: I also took this picture.

ME: But I didn’t post it.
NICK: But that’s great!
ME: Really? I thought it sucked.
NICK: It looks like a Krynoid is trying to eat the house. It’s awesome.
ME: Krynoids eating the house is not awesome.
NICK: No. But when it looks like they’re going to eat the house and they don’t? That’s awesome.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Eighty-Nine

Posted 20 April 2010 in by Catriona

My best friend has just sent me this conversation, which she had with her elder son (whom I call my nephew):

ELDER NEPHEW: Do you know why Auntie Treena loves the colour blue?
BEST FRIEND: No. Why?
ELDER NEPHEW: ‘Cause it’s the colour of the sonic screwdriver.

Makes me proud to think I was the one to buy him his first sonic screwdriver.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Eighty-Eight

Posted 18 April 2010 in by Catriona

In which I fret about whether to put a cardigan on over a strappy dress.

NICK: I think you’re looking better than you have for ages.
ME: Gee, thanks.
NICK: What?
ME: “I think you’re looking better than you have for ages”?
NICK: It’s a compliment! I think you’re substantially improved!

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Eighty-Seven

Posted 11 April 2010 in by Catriona

NICK: I’m going to eat a chocolate bunny and play video games.
ME: We don’t have any chocolate bunnies.
NICK: “Chocolate bunny” is more of a metaphor.
ME: No, it’s not.
NICK: Bugger. Well, I’ll just have to have something else.
ME: You can have a chocolate egg. We have chocolate eggs coming out the wazoo. And that is a metaphor.

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Eighty-Six

Posted 11 April 2010 in by Catriona

Checking out the blisters where Nick burnt himself with a splatter of hot oil:

NICK: And there was a packet of tomatoes next to the stove, and I noticed the packaging had been burnt through by splatter.
ME: Well, that’s why you shouldn’t cook without a shirt on. Also, your pans are too hot.
NICK: My what?
ME: Pans.
NICK: Oh, pans. I thought you said my pants were too hot.
ME: No, your pants aren’t too hot.
NICK: Really? Oh.
ME (sighing): They’re exactly hot enough.
NICK: Woohoo!

Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Eighty-Five

Posted 9 April 2010 in by Catriona

Debating the lack of coffee:

ME: Whose fault was that, then? Hmm?
NICK: Society.
ME: The society of Nick.
NICK: Well, that is my definition of society, yes.

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