Articles in “Strange Conversations”

ME: This episode of Farscape is so Rashōmon-y.
NICK: But it doesn’t seem to be for any purpose. Or to make any sense.
ME: Yeah. I don’t mind a Rashōmon episode, as long as there’s some kind of Rashōmon-ale behind it.

ME: The Google+ mobile version is running really slowly at the moment. I wonder if it’s because they’ve launched the app version?
NICK: I don’t know. They’re pretty keen on the Web.
(Pause)
ME: Google are “pretty keen” on the Web, eh?
NICK: I’m too tired for more complex thoughts.
ME: Honey, if you’re too tired for a more complex thought than “Google are pretty keen on the Web”, I think you’re technically dead.
NICK: That’s harsh.

In the DVD section:

ME: Oh, Highlander!
NICK: There can only be one of those DVDs. Oh, no: there’s two. What a disappointment.
ME: Don’t be silly, honey. One of them will behead the other shortly. But they can’t do it while we mundane people are watching.

ME: On a scale of one to ten, how much like a pineapple do I look?
NICK: Zero.
ME: Really?
NICK: You look fine.
ME: You know I’m talking about my hair, right? Because you seem to be looking at my shoes.

NICK: Sweet!
ME: What now?
NICK: I just levelled up!
ME: Oh, good. Now my life is complete.
NICK: Is it? Oh dear.
ME: Well, I assume you now have special powers with which you can make my life easier.
NICK: I may have some, yes.
ME: Such as?
NICK: Well, nothing, really.

NICK: A watched pot never boils.
ME: Yes, it does. It’s a simple chemical reaction.
NICK: It’s a physical reaction. There’s no chemistry involved.
ME: Physical. Chemical. Whatever.
MY FATHER: It’s a physical reaction. Nothing to do with chemistry.
ME: Be quiet. Both of you. My point is that a watched pot will boil as long as heat is applied.
MY FATHER: Not necessarily.
ME: As long as sufficient heat is applied. As long as sufficient heat is applied, a watched pot will boil.
MY FATHER: Oh, yes.
NICK: Well, as long as you’re at sea level.
ME: Go to hell. Seriously.

ME: Honey, you should try not to tread on your Transformers quilt. It’s getting a bit old for that.
NICK: It’s been a faithful man-servant.
ME: That quilt is a faithful man-servant?
NICK: Yes.
ME: For the past three months, I’ve been sleeping under a faithful man-servant?
NICK: Well, when in Rome …
ME: We’re not in Rome.
NICK: True. I can’t really back that up.

ME: I want my parcel to arrive!
NICK: I know! It should be soon.
ME: You say that, but it could be any time.
NICK: Yes, but it’s more likely than not to be soon. This morning, anyway.
ME: You don’t know that. You’re never home for deliveries.
NICK: I know, but I track them on my phone!