Articles in “Strange Conversations”

ME: You have to read this XKCD comic. They’ve really come through for once.
NICK: That’s great.
ME: I need to get an air horn.
NICK: You would be an excellent air horner, my love.
ME: When you say things like that, it’s quite obvious you’re just running some kind of script in your head.
NICK: What do you mean?
ME: You know. A blank script. “You would be an excellent ____________, my love.”
NICK: Treena! You malign me!

But I don’t think I do.

ME: That mad butterfly’s back again! It’s harassing me! It’s been harassing me for weeks!
NICK: They don’t live that long, surely?
ME: No, they live for a day, or something like that. Maybe it’s not just one butterfly. Maybe it’s like …
NICK: Don’t say it.
ME: Don’t say what?
NICK: I don’t know, but it’s bound to be something a bit mad.
ME: I was going to say that maybe it’s like the McCoys and the Hatfields, only I’m all the Hatfields, because I live so much longer than a butterfly, and the butterfly is a succession of McCoys.
NICK: Okay, that’s really not what I was expecting.

ME: Smart-aleck boyfriends who contradict their girlfriends always get what they deserve.
NICK: Cuddles!
ME: No!
NICK: Cuddles!
ME: Oh, go on, then.