Articles in “Strange Conversations”

In which we discuss why something I crave hasn’t yet been downloaded.

NICK: I’ve just turned the programme back on.
ME: Oh, so that’s why it’s taken twelve thousand years to download.
NICK: I respond to your demands for bandwidth!
ME: I don’t recall demanding bandwidth in the last week and a half.
NICK: I’m simply trying to be deciduous.
ME: Seriously?
NICK: Well, how do you pronounce that word?
ME: Assiduous?
NICK: No, it starts with a “j”.
ME: Judicious?
NICK: That’s it.
ME: “Deciduous” means you’ve shed all your leaves.
NICK: I know perfectly well what it means, thank you. I just don’t know how to pronounce it.

(Note: it has taken me twice as long as normal to type this, because I can’t stop laughing.)

House-cleaning strange conversation:

NICK: I found the bag that the bags go in.
ME: Good-oh. Pop it on that chair, would you? Because all the bags are on that chair, for reasons that escape me.
NICK: They escape everyone, Treena.
ME: They shouldn’t escape you, the architect of the reasons.
NICK: I think you’ve fallen into the authorial fallacy there.
ME: Don’t you “authorial fallacy” me!

Enter NICK, the hero.

NICK: Well, I have saved one of the big blue bowls from smashing.
ME: Oh, good.
NICK: Amazing reflexes. You should have seen me. I was incredible.

Tableaux.

Curtain falls.

Nick prepares for Father’s Day, for which he’d promised to do all the prep himself, since I’m marking:

ME: Can you give the bathroom benches a quick wipe over with the bathroom spray?
NICK: Already have.
ME: Really? I can’t smell the eucalyptus and mint.
NICK: Oh, I didn’t use the spray.
ME: Then what did you use?
NICK: I guess I can do that.
ME: But what did you use?!

I guess I’ll never know.