Strange Conversations: Part Two Hundred and Thirty-Nine

The kind of conversation you have at midnight, when the relative humidity is at 75% and you’ve just thrown half-a-dozen soggy peppermint teabags into a bin that, as it turns out, is lacking a bin bag:

ME: Honey?
NICK: Hmmm?
ME: You really have two options.
NICK: What are they?
ME: You can remember to put bin bags in the bin when you empty it . . .
NICK: Or?
ME: Or I can smite your ruin upon the mountainside.
NICK: Is this a time-sensitive offer?
ME: Well, I’ve been asking you to remember for nine years.
NICK: I’ll think about it. I don’t want my smite ruined.
ME: No, I won’t ruin your smite, I’ll smite your . . . oh, go back to sleep.