ME: We all have our flaws.
NICK: Mine, for example, is my devotion to the Pope. Fanatical. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
(Pause)
ME: Darling, would you like me to list some of your actual, genuine flaws?
NICK: No!

ME: If I taught you to knit, we would have a shared hobby, and also you could do the long, boring purl rows on the lace shawl while I do the interesting pattern rows.
NICK: Um …
ME: But mostly shared hobby!
NICK: It’s an idea, anyway.
ME: Yeah, it’s probably as good as that idea you had for teaching me to play Diablo 2 so I could act as a packhorse for all your extra loot.
NICK: That wasn’t the only reason! It was just a nice bonus.

NICK: You are the simple best.
ME: Simple?
NICK: That didn’t come out right. I meant ‘simply the best.’
ME: Because I’m not simple by any definition. I’m actually quite complicated and demanding.
NICK: For advanced users only.
ME: Users?
NICK: That didn’t come out right.

NICK: If you’ve ever trusted me before …
ME: Not likely. You remember that time I was being silly, and you let me slip, and I hit my head on the verandah?
(Pause)
NICK: You’ve never trusted me before, but you can trust me now.

NICK: We can try that new cocoa!
ME: It’s not cocoa. It’s drinking chocolate.
NICK: Well, if there’s a scientifically quantifiable difference between the two of them that will hold up in court, I haven’t heard it.
ME: Are you a cocoa/drinking chocolate expert?
NICK: Yes.
ME: Are you a cocoa/drinking chocolate expert?
NICK: No.

(Five minutes later.)

NICK: I’m going to Google the difference!

(Five minutes after that.)

ME: So, since I didn’t hear anything, I take it there is a difference?
NICK: It’s very minor.