ME: (choking)
NICK: Are you okay?
ME: (choking)
NICK: What do you need?
ME: (choking)
NICK: Glass of water?
ME: (choking)
NICK: Glass of water?
ME: (choking)
NICK: Glass of water?
ME: (choking)
NICK: I’ll get a glass of water.

ME: Hey, do you fancy giving a bit of soft-focus adultery a go?
NICK: In what context? It’s important to clarify these things immediately.
ME: I meant watching Camelot.
NICK: Oh. Right.

NICK: I convinced you to go out with me, didn’t I? And I wanted that more than anything in the world.
ME: You did not!
NICK: I did too!
ME: More than Doctor Who coming back on telly?
(Pause)
NICK: Equal first!

ME: Why didn’t you tell me to turn the tap off?
NICK: It seemed more exciting this way.
ME: It seemed more exciting to get the outside of an electric kettle soaking wet?
NICK: Well, literally, yes.

ME: I don’t know what’s going on with my skin this winter. It’s a real struggle to keep the dryness at bay, even with my usual winter routine.
NICK: Hmm. Is there such a thing as a winter moisturiser?
ME: I’m using my winter moisturiser.
NICK: Well, we’ve exceeded my knowledge of skincare. I can’t help you.

It occurs to me that having bored you all senseless with endless photos during the actual renovations, I then didn’t talk about it again once it was done.

But, surely, I thought to myself, surely they’re desperate to see how it all turned out? Of course you are.

In short, we went from this:

To this:

Something of a change, yes?

We also have bonus opening windows in the bathroom, which Nick was particularly excited about:

Then, because the house has had a hell of a time, we bought it some presents:

And then we lived happily ever after.

And by “we”, I mean me and the chesspiece-shaped lamp, of course.

NICK: Why are we arguing when I’m agreeing with you?
ME: Because there are different kinds of agreement, Nick.