by Catriona Mills

Strange Conversations: Part One Hundred and Fifty-One

Posted 14 June 2009 in by Catriona

While glancing through a slide show on the world’s weirdest hotels:

ME: Well, I’m not staying at Giraffe Manor in Kenya.
NICK: Why not?
ME (reading): “The five-room property is arranged so that roaming giraffes can poke their heads into any open window or doorway and lick guests with their sticky, prehensile tongues.”
NICK: Well, that’s just delightful.
ME: I know! I kinda like the idea of the giraffes roaming free, but I don’t want to be licked by sticky, prehensile tongues.
(Pause)
ME: I realise I may be alone in that, but that’s my position and I’m sticking to it.

The Day Nick And I Gave Up And Decided To Just Wear Big Signs Reading "Geek"

Posted 14 June 2009 in by Catriona

(I think that title might end up being longer than the actual blog post).

SCENE: Inside JB Hi-Fi, just after my impassioned rant about the selfishness of people who leave their adorable West Highland Whites locked up in the car, even on a winter’s day, when the poor thing was clearly highly distressed and barking non-stop, which I won’t repeat here.

NICE, WELL-INFORMED SALESMAN: Can I help you?
ME: Yes, Do you have any 400 to 800 firewire cables?
NICE, WELL-INFORMED SALESMAN: No. We’re getting them in, but we haven’t been stocking them because [brief explanation that showed that he, unlike the stoner we subsequently talked to in Harvey Norman, knew what he was talking about.]
NICK: Oh, dear.
ME: Never mind. Didn’t we see that they’re having a sale on Doctor Who DVDs? Let’s go and look at those!
NICK: Okay!

So, while we might not have a 400 to 800 firewire cable, we do have shiny new copies of “City of Death” (“What a wonderful butler: he’s so violent!”) and the E-space trilogy.

What I Learned While Reading The First Twenty Pages of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Posted 11 June 2009 in by Catriona

(And, yes: this is spoileriffic. But only in regards to the first twenty pages of the book. And that’s taking into account the fact that the narrative starts on page seven.)

1. Netherfield Park is on the market because the entire “household of eighteen was slaughtered and consumed by a horde of the living dead” (7).

2. Mr. Bingley “escaped London in a chaise and four just as the strange plague broke through the Manchester line” (7).

3. Mr. Bennet is reluctant to visit Mr Bingley because of the risk to the horses on the zombie-infested highways (8).

4. Mrs. Bennet’s “nerves” date back to “the first outbreak of the strange plague in her youth.” She’s not quite as silly as she seems; in the wake of the plague of the living dead, “she sought solace in the comfort of the traditions which now seemed mere trifles to others” (8).

5. In other words, “The business of Mr. Bennet’s life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennet’s was to get them married” (9).

6. Lydia, though the youngest Bennet sister, is “also the most proficient in the art of tempting the opposite sex” (10), which is blunt but accurate.

7. Mr. Darcy is quite the catch, not just because of his handsome face and handsome fortune, but also because “of his having slaughtered more than a thousand unmentionables since the fall of Cambridge” (12).

8. Mr. Darcy knows only one other woman, apart from Lizzy, “who wielded a dagger with such skill, such grace, and deadly accuracy” (14).

9. Sir William Lucas made his fortune crafting fine burial gowns, until the arrival of the strange plague of zombies: “Few thought it worth the expense to dress the dead in finery when they would only soil it upon crawling out of their graves” (18).

10. Lizzy admires her sister Mary’s skill in battle, but “she had always found her a trifle dull in relaxed company” (19).

Why aren’t you all reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?

Sunset Cloud

Posted 10 June 2009 in by Catriona

Tweeting The Day Away

Posted 9 June 2009 in by Catriona

I’m not going to make a habit of this, but I’ve spent the day shopping and cleaning to prep. for a dinner for my father-in-law tonight, and I’ve been tweeting the process intermittently.

Now I’m sitting and waiting for my back to settle down after the vacuuming (my lower back and the vacuum are sworn enemies), it seems a useful way of updating the blog, as well.

Is this so far beyond postmodern that it comes around to being cool again? Or just self-indulgent narcissism (which is roughly three steps past normal narcissism)?

Well, why can’t it be both?

Dear Santa, For Christmas I would like a self-cleaning robot house. I am asking in advance so the elves have time to finish it. Love, Me.

I know full well that my bathroom could be cleaner, but the toilet itself is spotless, and “near enough is good enough” is today’s motto.

Am never, ever buying lime-scented Toilet Duck again. Toilet smells like it stumbled home at 4 am after going on a bender on cheap tequila.

I was about to complain that there wasn’t much meat on the roast chicken I was shredding for a risotto when I realised I had it upside down.

I have done the bathroom and the kitchen. The living room? Not so much. I’m wondering how far I can push “near enough is good enough”?

Shame it’s weird to invite father-in-law to a candlelit dinner. They hide so many sins—and, at a pinch, you can distract people with fire.

Not that I recommend setting fire to your own home, but it would be one way to respond to “When was the last time you vacuumed this place?”

Strong Girls for Girl Readers: Part Two

Posted 8 June 2009 in by Catriona

(The first part in this series is here, along with my explanation for why the seemingly sexist title is not, in fact, sexist.)

In the first part, I looked at Laura Chant from The Changeover, but in this one, I want to look at Sophie Hatter, from Diana Wynne Jones’s Howl’s Moving Castle (1986).

Some disclaimer may be necessary here: I love Diana Wynne Jones. I’ve always loved Diana Wynne Jones. As far as I’m concerned, Diana Wynne Jones can do no wrong.

It’s also a great deal of fun to say “Diana Wynne Jones” over and over again.

And I love Howl’s Moving Castle: while I’ve never been disappointed by one of Diana Wynne Jones’s books—and I savour them, so I haven’t even read the two latest ones—this is one of my favourites.

But one thing that always strikes me about Sophie Hatter is how relatively damaged she is in the beginning of the book. “Damaged” is a word that has the ring of psychobabble about it, but I don’t think it’s too misplaced in a description of Sophie, who becomes paler and more tired across the opening chapters, until she’s even afraid of the crowds in the small market town in which she lives.

Sophie has a coherent worldview in which she is inevitably the least and last—at least, she thinks it’s coherent and plausible, and we are almost seduced into believing her, thanks to the tight third-person narration.

But Sophie’s is a worldview built on self-abnegation—almost martyrdom, though her marginalising of herself brings her no pleasures or benefits.

In the early pages of the novel, Sophie too readily takes on herself the thoughts and opinions of others: even when she trusts what she thinks are her own opinions, she’s drawing them from outside sources.

It’s also a world-view built on a narrow definition of genre. This is a magic kingdom, thinks Sophie, so the old, worn patterns of fairy stories and folk tales must come into play: how can I, as the eldest daughter of three, achieve anything noteworthy?

Sophie’s not the only one whose thinking is constrained by a certain narrow approach to genre—look how readily people believe in the wickedness of Wizard Howl.

But Sophie is the one who wears herself down by thinking in these patterns, and it takes a radical change in status and circumstance to break her of these patterns and show her where her strength lies—where her strength has always lain, though she didn’t know it herself and the first person to recognise it has no intention of sharing the information.

Well, it takes a radical change in status and circumstance—and the involvement of Wizard Howl.

I’ve never identified myself as a romantic (though I probably am) and I’m certainly not going to use this blog as a forum in which to argue that a woman can only really reach her full potential by standing behind and supporting a man.

But neither am I going to insist that all fictional women must stand alone and Sophie—the Sophie who break herself of the damaging patterns of thinking to which she holds in the beginning of the book—is never blind to Howl’s character.

Take this discussion she has with the hapless Abdullah in the sequel, Castle in the Air:

They were so high that the world below was out of sight. Abdullah had no trouble understanding Sophie’s terror. The carpet was sailing through dark emptiness, up and up, and Abdullah knew that if he had been alone he might have been screaming. “You talk, mighty mistress of magics,” he quavered. “Tell me of this Wizard Howl of yours.”

Sophie’s teeth chattered, but she said proudly, “He’s the best wizard in Ingary or anywhere else. If he’d only had time, he would have defeated that djinn. And he’s sly and selfish and vain as a peacock and cowardly and you can’t pin him down to anything.”

“Indeed?” asked Abdullah. “Strange that you should speak so proudly of such a list of vices, most loving of ladies.”

“What do you mean—vices?” Sophie asked angrily. “I was just describing Howl.”

Castle in the Air. London: Methuen, 1990. 155-56.

That’s my girl, Sophie.

Strange Conversations: Part One Hundred and Fifty

Posted 8 June 2009 in by Catriona

What do you normally do when you complete a scary job application?

NICK: Well, are we going shopping? Oh: are you updating your Facebook status?
ME: Of course I am! I’ve just done something!

Delicacy of Detail

Posted 7 June 2009 in by Catriona

Strange Conversations: Part One Hundred and Forty-Nine

Posted 7 June 2009 in by Catriona

The longer I work on this job application, the more sarcastic I become:

ME: That poster for Halloween costumes is creepy.
NICK: I wonder where it is. It’s probably an actual location in the game.
ME: Gasp! How exciting!
NICK: Well, I’m excited.
ME: I can tell.
NICK: I don’t know about you.
ME: I’m not excited at all.
NICK: No, I didn’t think so. You seem not to be excited about things any more.
(Pause)
ME: Excuse me?
NICK: Sorry, that was a bit rude.
ME: And pointless. I’ve never been excited by Fallout 3.
NICK: Yeah, good point.

Sunlit Clouds, Redux

Posted 5 June 2009 in by Catriona

Sunlit Clouds

Posted 5 June 2009 in by Catriona

Strong Girls for Girl Readers: Part One

Posted 4 June 2009 in by Catriona

I was talking to a friend about this the other day, saying that it was one of the aspects of genre fiction that always appealed to me: that it is in children’s fantasy and science fiction (and by children, I mean what publishers call “young adults,” as well) that I found strong, independent girl protagonists.

And that’s essential for the development of a bookish girl, one who might be a feminist without really knowing at that stage what feminism entails.

Of course, the same is true for boys: if they’re fantasy readers, they need to see characters who aren’t just psychopaths with swords. And readers of both genders need to see strong characters of the opposite gender. So the point I’m trying to make here is not intended to be sexist or exclusive in any way.

But I’m more interested here in the girls of fantasy and science fiction, not least because of the point I’m about to make.

Successful film and television franchises tend to bring these books to new audiences. But when the books are filtered through other forms of media, characters who are or have been socially marginal often suffer. And it’s not just female characters, of course: think of the “whitening” of Ursula Le Guin’s A Wizard of Earthsea.

But the books are always there, no matter how manipulated, how poor, or how plain different the films might be.

So I’ve compiled a list, in nor particular order, of some of my favourite strong girls from children’s fantasy and science fiction—and I’ve left out Baum’s Dorothy (about whom I have written elsewhere on this blog) and Carroll’s Alice (about whom cleverer people than I have written).

It was going to be just a bullet-pointed list, but then I started writing more and more about the first girl on the list, and I thought, “Well, I haven’t bored people with a series in a while.”

So now it’s a series, the first part of which looks at Laura Chant, in New Zealand author Margaret Mahy’s The Changeover (1984).

This is the book that started the discussion I mentioned above: I’d never read it—though I have a feeling that I might have read other Mahy books, in my dim and distant childhood—while my friend said that it was for her, as a child, the first book that made her feel she too could be powerful and achieve great things.

All that is centred on Laura Chant.

Laura exists in a world of dangers, but the dangers aren’t all magical or supernatural. Laura moves through a relatively small, relatively new suburb, one that exists in an uneasy state that we are still seeing in newer suburbs: bored teenagers, trapped by their youth and the comparative distance of the city—it’s always so far away, when one has no transport. (Running through this book, for example, is the younger teenager’s admiration for those older students who have access to their parent’s cars. The fact that a boy might be worth going out with just because he has access to his mum’s car is a moment that so effectively captures the spatial limitations of the teenage years.)

So the teens and the young men who can’t find employment despite the city’s growth gather in gangs, which may not intend violence but nevertheless present an implicit threat to those weaker or more liminal than the gangs themselves—especially when the situation does, on occasion, spill over into actual violence.

In one scene early in the book, Laura, walking through the suburbs at night, remembers these acts of violence, and moves along the edges of shadows, anxious not to put herself in plain sight or to step fully into shadow where others may be hiding.

This liminality is echoed in her age: fourteen, and still, she says, unfamiliar with the new body that has recently replaced her childish form.

It’s echoed in her appearance: she’s distinct from her blonde mother and baby brother since her genes, like those of her absent father, are paying homage to a Polynesian ancestor among her great-grandfathers.

It’s echoed in her position between the supernatural and natural worlds: she’s sensitive, but it’s not a power over which she has any control, and its manifestations only makes her feel more separate from everyday life, especially since it’s not an experience she can ever explain to anyone. She tries—unlike so many young girls in fantasies set in the contemporary world, she talks about her abilities. And people listen. But they can’t understand.

When it becomes apparent that her sensitivity could lead to more active powers, the experience of unlocking these is also evoked in terms of liminality: walking through a shadow of the world, she sees brambles that are also herself, and books that are also trees—or are the trees also books?

But her liminality is not weakness: she does walk through the night and she does walk through dangers—and though she says she’s uncertain of her new body, she holds herself intact and she holds her own, whether encounters are implicitly or explicitly threatening.

When, by the end of the book, she grows into the face (and the self) that was promised to her in the beginning, we are none of us surprised.

Strange Conversations: Part One Hundred and Forty-Eight

Posted 2 June 2009 in by Catriona

As Nick watches the trailer for Tales of Monkey Island, in light of the news that the franchise will be revived:

NICK: Sigh. It fills me with a deep sense of joy, Treena.
ME: I remember last time you played Monkey Island. You started getting really cranky and then chucked a massive hissy fit and refused to play any more because you couldn’t win the diving competition.
NICK: That’s right!
(Pause for me to laugh)
NICK: There better not be anything like that in the new game.
(Continued laughter)
NICK: But that wasn’t in the spirit of Monkey Island at all!
(Pause for further laughter)
NICK: I mean, a sodding diving competition!

Alas, into each life a little rain must fall, no?

Bare Branches In The Rain

Posted 2 June 2009 in by Catriona

Winter's Morning After A Rainy Night

Posted 1 June 2009 in by Catriona

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