Articles in “Strange Conversations”

ME: I know you think you’re tall, you just make yourself look big. Like a cat.
NICK: Or one of those bullfrogs.
ME: They only do that to attract girls. You better not be trying to attract girls.
NICK: Only Treena.
ME: Too late.
NICK: You’re already fully attracted?
(Pause)
ME: Yes, I suppose that is a legitimate interpretation of what I just said. Well done.
NICK: I win!
ME: Only this round.

ME: Don’t flick that at me!
NICK: Tcah!
ME: And don’t make that noise! I’m only asking that you don’t wildly fling daddy-long-legs in my direction.
NICK: I suppose that is fair enough.
ME: I thought so.

ME: Did you ever wonder whether, even though this looks like a perfectly ordinary house and we’re the only ones here, maybe we’re under the constant supervision of a Big Brother-style …
NICK: Um …
ME: No, bear with me here.
NICK: I think I’m going to have to.

NICK: I don’t know what we’re going to do, Treen.
ME: Other than you getting on a chair and changing the battery?
NICK: Yes, other than that.
ME: We’re just going to have to kill it with fire. Oh, wait!
NICK: What?
ME: It’s a fire alarm.
NICK: I know that.
ME: It’s probably immune to fire spells.
NICK: Oh yeah. It would be.

Another fine plan up in flames.

(And, lest you make the obvious suggestion, I can’t reach the fire alarm even standing on a chair. Curse you, high ceilings.)

ME: I look vastly paler when I’m standing next to you.
NICK: You really shouldn’t be so pale. It’s not healthy.
ME: Maybe you shouldn’t be so pink. Have you thought of that? Maybe that’s not healthy.
NICK: I am ruddy with health! I imagine.

Via text-message.

ME: This bus still hasn’t left. Maybe I did die in that coughing fit earlier. Maybe this is Purgatory.
NICK: Does that mean I’m in Purgatory too, since I’m getting these texts?
ME: No. It just means we have really good coverage.

ME: Could you do me a favour, since I’ve just noticed that you’ve apparently started throwing your used tissues under your desk?
NICK: Oh, that’s been there for ages.
(Pause)
ME: You do realise that doesn’t really ameliorate the situation, right?
NICK: Not really, no.