Posted 27 June 2010 in Doctor Who by Catriona
You’ll all be pleased to hear that the peanut gallery is back for this week’s episode—but currently Heather is playing with my camera and Michelle is playing with Nick’s iPad. So we won’t know yet whether they’re going to stop in order to comment.
The third last episode of the season! Let’s see how well this one goes. I worry sometimes that my live-blogging has run away with me. I fear it controls me, instead of vice versa.
Of course, I also fear that I’m completely mad, so you probably shouldn’t listen to me.
Except when it comes to Doctor Who. You should definitely listen to me on Doctor Who.
The TARDIS materialises in a park, and the Doctor steps out the door—just before he’s thrown away from the TARDIS by an explosion, leaving Amy alone in the TARDIS.
Amy freaks out in the TARDIS and the Doctor freaks out in the park.
One day later, a young boy walks past a house, as a voice, coming from the intercom, asks if he can help.
HEATHER: Are you my mummy?
The boy walks in, and a shadowy man at the top of the stairs says something terrible has happened, and asks if the boy can help.
The door closes behind the boy.
In the downstairs flat, a woman asks what’s wrong with the ceiling, just before the spreading stain spreads even further. The man with her says that the man upstairs is “just some bloke.”
The man has put an ad in the paper for a new flat mate.
MAN: Otherwise you’ll have to settle for me.
WOMAN: You’d have to settle for me first.
They settle in for pizza-booze-telly night, before the woman gets a phone call and has to leave. She leans back against the door for a minute, and we all say, “Aww.”
Craig looks at the fridge—which shows he’s visited the Van Gogh exhibition—before realising the woman has left her keys behind. When the doorbell rings, he wanders down the hallways with her keys, rehearsing, “I love you. I love you.”
When he opens the door with “I love you!”, the Doctor says, “That’s good. Because I’m your new lodger.”
Craig isn’t thrilled about the Doctor as a lodger—he’s more pleased when the Doctor hands him a paper bag full of money but less thrilled when the Doctor kisses him on both cheeks, saying, “That’s how you greet each other these days, isn’t it?”
Second intra-textual moment of the episode.
The Doctor uses the psychic paper to flash his credentials. (No euphemisms.)
CRAIG: Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?
DOCTOR: I’m his special favourite.
Amy materialises in the TARDIS, but only briefly.
The Doctor asks about the photo of Sophie on the fridge, asking if she’s Craig’s girlfriend.
CRAIG: Friend who’s a girl. There’s nothing going on.
DOCTOR: That’s perfectly normal. Works for me.
Then the Doctor cooks an omelette, and when Craig asks where he learned to cook, says, “Paris. Eighteenth century. No, that’s not recent, is it? Seventeenth century. No. I’m not used to doing things in the right order.”
But the Doctor’s weird and he cooks, so Craig lets him stay. The Doctor settles in his new room, and contacts “Pond” on his fancy, vaguely Cyborg earpiece.
On the phone to Craig, Sophie wonders whether “the Doctor” is a dealer, since he has three grand in a paper bag.
The mysterious voice drags another person into the house, this time a woman who looks as though she’s already had a pretty bad night.
The Doctor’s already aware of the mysterious man upstairs, and keeping an eye on the damp stain. He needs to stay anonymous.
DOCTOR: So, no sonicing.
MICHELLE: No what?!
The clock in the Doctor’s bedroom starts going tonto, and the Doctor says it’s a “localised time distortion”. The TARDIS is responding badly, but the Doctor can talk her down. Lucky, since he needs to leave to “pick up a few items”—including a bicycle wheel.
The next morning, the Doctor’s in the shower, singing away, while Craig shouts through the door that he’s just going upstairs.
This finally gets through to the Doctor, who throws himself out of the shower and hares upstairs in a towel, wielding an electronic toothbrush.
There were all sorts of rumours online about whether he was thoroughly covered in these scenes.
As he’s halfway up the stairs in the towel, Sophie comes in. The Doctor kisses her on both cheeks, and it’s delightfully awkward. Then Craig invites the Doctor to come and play football with the pub team. Apparently, Matt Smith was national-level when he was a schoolboy, then hurt his back. So here’s a chance for him to show his skills.
Sophie and Craig flirt awkwardly but sweetly.
The Doctor wanders down to the park in his football kit and tweed jacket, and kisses all his teammates on the cheek.
Are you any good, though? asks Sean.
The Doctor says they’ll find out.
He’s definitely good, but taking Craig’s free kick (or is that a penalty? Hard to see in a pub match) is not the nicest thing to do.
The game ends with Craig standing alone while, off-screen, everyone chants “Doc-tor! Doc-tor! Doc-tor!”
The house attracts another victim, this time a middle-aged woman.
At the park, the Doctor pontificates a bit about being the Oncoming Storm, before his team-mates get caught in a time loop, ad we cut to the middle-aged woman screaming.
Amy, in the TARDIS, is caught in the disturbance, but the Doctor manages to stabilise things.
DOCTOR: I thought for a moment the TARDIS had been flung off into the vortex with you inside it, lost forever.
This, it seems, is the first time the Doctor has mentioned this.
Back at the flat, Craig knocks on the Doctor’s door to ask if he could give them some “space” tonight, because Sophie’s coming round for “pizza-beer-telly.” The Doctor says that Craig won’t even know he’s here, before disappearing back into his room and smacking some things around.
That night, Craig is halfway through a confession of his love—which prompts Michelle to shout, “Just say it!”—when the Doctor pops up behind the sofa, claiming to be rewiring the flat. Sophie asks him to stay and have a drink, and the Doctor agrees.
The Doctor’s fiddling with things in his armchair and failing to drink red wine (okay, ew!), while Sophie talks about wanting to go and live with orangutans. The Doctor taunts her for a bit, until he tells her to work out what’s really keeping her here.
This leads to an awkward Craig-and-Sophie hug in the hallway, and we all give up hope that they’ll ever snog.
The Doctor, back in his room, has some weird device built of rakes and paddles and bicycle wheels, which he’s built on his bed.
In the living room, Craig, annoyed by both the Doctor and the growing stain on his ceiling, touches the stain, despite the Doctor telling him twenty minutes ago not to do that.
Nick points out that those are totally our sofas, and Michelle suggests that they’re also our ceilings.
We all look nervously for mould on the ceiling, but there’s just the same old plaster that’s been falling off in strips for nine years.
Craig is dying in bed the next morning, until the Doctor restores him by thumping his chest and then serving him tea from a Charles and Diana wedding teapot.
He wakes up late in the afternoon, hares into work, and finds that the Doctor has taken over his job and is alienating all his best customers and being served tea and custard creams by Sophie, who is about the start work as a volunteer at a orangutan sanctuary.
DOCTOR: Hello, Mr Jorgensen? Can you hold? I have to eat a biscuit.
Craig, at home, enters the Doctor’s bedroom and isn’t too pleased to see the whirling machine on the bed.
He’s less pleased to find the Doctor sitting on the steps communicating with the cat.
He kicks the Doctor out, saying that these have been the three weirdest days of his life. He thought it was good weird, but it’s bad weird, and he can’t cope.
So the Doctor says he’s going to do something, even though he’ll regret it—and he headbutts Craig, giving him first general information and then specific details about the weird stuff going on in the house.
Of course, this all coincides with Sophie letting herself into the house and being sidetracked on the stairs by a little girl.
Sophie heads up the stairs, though Michelle tells her “No.”
Amy still hasn’t found the plans to the house that the Doctor asked her to find, but the time distortions begin again, showing us that someone is dying upstairs.
The Doctor and Craig hare upstairs, but Amy says that she’s found the plans, and they can’t be upstairs.
They are, says the Doctor.
No, says Amy: there’s no upstairs. It’s a one-storey house.
There’s a lovely shot here where the camera zooms back down the stairs.
Of course, it’s our old friend the perception filter.
What’s happening—they find, as they save Sophie—that the crew has died in a crash, and the holographic emergency protocol has been trying one pilot after another, even though their brains just fry.
Should have gone with a holographic doctor. Those are totes safe.
But now they’ve found the Doctor. And the Doctor can’t fly without the entire Solar System exploding.
The Doctor tells Craig that he needs to touch the panel instead. He says that Craig is the man who doesn’t want to leave, so he needs to think about why he wants to stay.
The answer’s Sophie, of course. And Sophie loves him, too. As we knew she did.
They waffle about it for a bit, until the Doctor gets impatient.
DOCTOR: Not now, Craig. The planet’s about to burn. For God’s sake, kiss the girl!
Craig does, and it comes perilously close to “saving an android through the power of love.”
Then the spaceship implodes, and we’re left with a one-storey house.
CRAIG: I could see the point of Paris, if you were there with me.
SOPHIE: First, let’s destroy our friendship completely.
HEATHER: Okay, ew.
Craig insists that the Doctor takes the house keys, and then we see this week’s crack.
In the TARDIS, the Doctor insists that Amy leave a note for him, the note that directed him to the house in the first place. But in looking for a pen, she finds her engagement ring.
And the crack opens a little further.
Next week: the first of the two-part finale.