E-mails from My Mother

My mother informs me that she’s planning on becoming a Jewish mother as a hobby. I suggested that, since she’s already a Catholic mother, she didn’t really need to pile on any more guilt.

Then she sent me this e-mail:

Was going to ring last evening to see if you were okay as I didn’t get
a response to my e-mail which is very unusual.
Love,
Mum
P.S. If I don’t get a response to this one I will contact emergency
services.

(The original e-mail, I might add, was a request for help with the crossword, and I didn’t know the answer.)

I didn’t learn my lesson, clearly, because yesterday brought this e-mail:

Are you alive and well? I’m concerned as I did not receive a response
to the e-mail I sent yesterday. Correction, I did receive a response
from your sister.
Love,
Mum

And then she suggested that I post them on the blog. She’s hungry for a wider audience, I think.